Friday, October 17, 2008
Where is God?
Have you ever had one of those days in which no matter how close you try to get to God, it just doesn't seem to be working? You spend time worshipping and just waiting for God to move in your life. You lay face down on the floor hoping, praying that God will speak just one word into your spirit. That He will change you life just slightly. That he will encourage and lift you up. But nothing seems to happen. Mother Teresa experienced the same feelings. She wrote this in her journal:
Lord, my God, who am I that you should forsake me? I call, I cling, I want, and there is no answer!
Most of the time it seems like this happens when we need God most. We may be going through a tough problem in our marriage or another relationship. We may have lost our job. Death's hollow knock comes rapping on our door. We sinned in such a way that we feel like we blew everything. We experience financial difficulties; our stocks and mutual funds lose their value. It's a never ending list of problems and concerns that shake our world so we go running or crawling to God but...................... nothing but silence.
There is a verse in the Bible where the Son of God experiences the same kind of feelings, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me!?"
Even Jesus experienced these same type of feelings. Theologically we have tried to explain this verse in so many ways, but why does it matter. In that moment Jesus felt like God had turned His back on Him. A feeling that we too share sometimes. God, My God, where are you?!
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2 comments:
I feel that God dropped your blog, website, whatever its called into my lap. I've been strugling to the point of depression with my faith in God. It started ever so strongly before 2005 when my Mother was diagnosed with cancer. My depression was fueled by my 2 sisters plus my Mother not seeming to accept me into the family like I did my own children. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! My husband can't understand what was going on either except a full blown attack from satan. My Dad had passed away sev. years before, and Mom remarried pronto and made it a tad clear it was for money. But why did I become ever so strongly the target of despise? Lies left me feeling "was I crazy", why did they call their weekly meeting while she was on chemo, to "crucify ME" for some dumb thing I knew nothing of. I couldn't please anyone. I was blessed with four great children, my sisters couldn't have children and even had to shave because of the hormones messed up in their system. Yet, it never occured to me to laugh at them, or say "Mom, why leave your precious money all to my children because they have no one. My husband was life watched ten days before she passed away, to Wichita for heart surgery, yet when I brought him home, I still ran to the hospital, not wanting her to pass without me beside her and WHY? God knows the extreme torture they put me through, not only in life, but in the trust, and really rubbed it in that if I would die, my share would go to my sisters, not my husband and not even her own grandchildren. Fishy, or mean, or ? We were married in your church, have cherished friends in your church and they know me, but the most important is God knows the intentions of my heart. I fell and fell hard when Mom passed that early a.m. and the nurse said we had to leave the rood so they could wash her body. I still 3 yrs later can see her fragile body, see into her body and see how fragile a human body is. How can a heart, a colon, two kidneys, a brain, etc. be what makes us tick. I didn't see peace on her face and after all I did to try to be a perfect daughter didn't recieve that unconditonal love. I'm having a very rough time.I haven't really wanted to go back to church since, have a rough time picking up my Bible, I had to go to a pyschiatrist to get adderil to give me enough energy to cook a meal from those years forward. I have more on my plate. I am a victim of s. abuse that turned into PTSD, a child that was diagnosed with a rare, uncurable deadly disease 30 yrs ago. Good news, I turned back to my simple faith my Grandmother made sure I had. My Bible, my church was my only security. My only faith, peace. My x husband was a great farmer yet turned to the militant farm group that blew up the OK City Bldg. Lost our home, our everything and I took the blunt. I can't go there right now. My faith in God and prayer allowed me to pray for my son's healing and YES he is healed. How can I thank God for a disease? I did, because it shook me into the reality that my God would walk beside me day by day, answered prayers, miracles, sent money from places I still don't understand. What I'm trying to say is "I want the joy of my salvation back" and to want to come to church like I used to, to be able to know God is, and where is my child like faith? I'm so messed up. I prayed for God to heal my marriage even though he took a gun to his own son, etc and etc. But God got me out of that home with my children. I met a wonderful Godly man and he has supported me through whatever I'm going through. I can't go on, thinking every minute, is there a God? Is there a heaven? Is there anything. I'm truly sorry, but I have to get it out. I even tell myself I have at least the faith of a tiny mustard seed and can move a mountain, and I have so many friends so am I that terrible sister, daughter, I was treated to be. The attorney let me cry on his shoulder as he is like a dad to me and he knew the truth. Money is not my answer. I need my faith in God back. We go to CV Baptist since my husbands unexpected painful divorce and mine. We couldn't sit on the same pew seats at our own church anymore so we accepted a friends offer to visit Sam. Most people wouldn't believe what they did to me, but my church friends at your church and this church knew and believed without sharing any of my story except for a friend. Thank you again for your site and your writings. They help me so much. Don't know a thing about blog sites or what to do with them, but do appreciate yours. One more thing that happened. My husb. and I were invited to celebrate recovery at the UMBC to work a 12 step program to try to help me. After a year in the program this member shows up and told me I had a jezebel spirit and would end up ruining our marriage, our finances, our family, bring down our church etc. I was horrified. He is a respected member of this church. When he was saved, he said he started having visions like a murder in eastern KS and could see what happened and feel their pain, and so many other things he told us. Pastor Nate at that time was taken in by him and therefore I really couldn't attend church because I wouldn't be a part of destroying a church. Why have I lived my life so God would be pleased with me only to become the dirt of the earth?
how do I do this? I published my comment to you, and hopefully hit annonymous and email. Hope all is right. Would be so embarassed to be in such a rut.
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